A Matter of Trust
In a world of increasing transparency, trust is the most valuable currency.
Image: Marina Abramović and ULAY. Rest Energy. 1980
The trust of the innocent is the liar’s most useful tool.
– Stephen King
Without thinking too much, ask yourself, “Who do I trust?”
Who’s the first person who came to mind when you asked yourself this question? Why did you think of them? What qualities do they exhibit that make them trustworthy? Take a moment to truly answer these questions before continuing.
Now, here’s the thing, we humans have a funny relationship with trust. Sometimes we trust others due to their good nature or warm sensibility. Other times it’s because someone has proven to us through their actions that they can be trusted. They’ve done something to hold up their end of a bargain and earned your confidence in the process. Yet other times we simply want to believe that someone is trustworthy. We need them to be and so we give them what we hold most dear, our vulnerable little trust-treasures, in the hope that they don’t scatter them to the wind or abuse our good faith with malice.
But trust isn’t always easy. And while trusting another person can sometimes be tough, it’s exponentially harder to trust a group of people or even more so, an organization. But yet, so many of us do it every day. In spite of data leaks, deep fakes, surreptitiously targeted ads, and a host of other telltale signs that our personal information is unsafe and mismanaged, we still continue to trust certain apps or organizations because, often, the utility of their service outweighs the violation and sanctity of our trust.
As a former digital ethicist for Google, Tristan Harris and others like him have been warning us about our cavalier compulsion to trust technology for a while. Over the last decade, many of us have seen our interactions with digital platforms become less ethical and honest. And while at times we may trust an app or service offering, even these instances can be fraught with subconscious second guesses where suspicion and doubt creep in. Here in these moments we wrestle with the ethical trade-offs we’re truly willing to make with our trust in exchange for the perceived benefit these apps and tools afford us.
Harris tells us, “The ultimate freedom is a free mind, and we need technology that’s on our team to help us live, feel, think and act freely. We need our smartphones, notifications screens and web browsers to be exoskeletons for our minds and interpersonal relationships that put our values, not our impulses, first. People’s time is valuable. And we should protect it with the same rigor as privacy and other digital rights.”
You see, what we’re talking about here is not synonymous with privacy. We need privacy too, don’t get me wrong, but trust is different. What we’re seeking in these moments is our need for trust in an extra-human relationship. This sort of trust is born from the desire to give ourselves over to a piece of technology or a corporation enough that their offering affords us greater freedom, not greater risk.
What is the most trustworthy entity you give your personal data? What have they done to earn your trust? Have they ever violated it?
What about the least trustworthy entity that you continue to engage with? Why do you do it? Do you have to do it, or is the switching cost of finding a new and (hopefully) more trustworthy source too great? It’s a fine existential dilemma for these modern times.
Not too long ago I had the good fortune to speak to a group of analysts at a large consulting firm about the concepts of empathic leadership and emotional intelligence. In that session I was paired with another speaker, Charles Green, who’s an OG in the trust business.
Charles’ work is oriented around what he calls the “trust equation” and how the more we can measure our own actions, and the actions of the companies we work for via this equation, the more trustworthy we can collectively become.
The equation starts with adding together three vital traits; credibility, reliability, and intimacy. Each of these in and of themselves are critical to building lasting relationships. However, this is not enough to derive meaningful trust. The “sum” (to the extent they can be quantified) of these three items sit in the numerator of a fraction where the denominator is self-orientation.
Essentially what Green’s equation shows us is that no matter how much good work you do to build credibility, reliability, and intimacy, a high degree of self-orientation will always undermine the true trustworthiness of a relationship.
So how do we avoid the trappings of self-orientation? Although it’s something that must be practiced consistently to be truly effective, selflessness is easier to achieve in one-on-one, close, personal relationships versus the complexities of operating as a group or more broadly as a brand, technology, or entity. While it may not be everyone’s nature to instinctively act selflessly, it’s easy to understand how we might step outside of ourselves and act with greater empathy when it comes to the people in our lives that matter most. And this was why Charles and I were paired together. Where Charles cautions others to avoid the trap of self-orientation, I advocate against self-orientation through the practice of empathy. Same same, but different.
But what about a corporation’s ability to act without self-orientation? This is tricker, due in large part to the fact that corporations exist in a competitive, capitalistic construct where their own self-advocacy can (at times) feel like a prerequisite for success. But that needn’t always be the case. Organizations like Wikimedia and Mozilla have long been acknowledged for their noble attempts to build internet-based offerings that serve our basic needs and preserve our trust. When juxtaposed to the swirling dumpster fire that is engulfing Twitter at the moment, we can start to see the stark contrast between capitalistic entities of a similar utilitarian ilk and organizations setting out to establish the internet’s de facto public commons.
But orgs like Wikimedia and Mozilla are philanthropically funded. They couldn’t exist in their current incarnations without donors. If we’re being honest, in spite of some of the massive leaps and bounds our digital lives have taken, we’re still in an awkward growth stage of the internet where some of these platforms and tools have become mainstays in spite of their wobbly business models and/or ethics. Recently dubbed the “internet mid-life crisis”, the digital world where many of us increasingly work and connect with others through high-speed fiber and signals, is at a crossroads.
So what are organizations left to do if they want to build trust but continue to thrive in a competitive market? It starts with the culture they build internally. But here’s the thing… culture is read-only. This means that the “culture” of an organization cannot be directly edited. Too often leaders scrawl values on an entryway wall or overrun onboarding documents with quippy turns of phrases meant to shout their culture into being. But in fact culture change happens much more subtly.
In order to affect change, we as individuals in a system need to alter the tangible and intangible inputs to culture. The people, processes, and principles that drive our companies forward are what have an impact on culture. Hiring and encouraging the right behaviors in our employees creates ripple effects into all corners of the organization. Establishing the right processes and principles ensures that meaningful guardrails and foundational beliefs are imbued in the culture. These are critical actions that ultimately infuse a company’s products and services with the qualities we want our customers to feel. Qualities like trust.
Said more simply, if you can’t trust the people you work with and the products you make, how on earth can you expect your customers to do so?
It’s time we stop treating the dearth of trust in our relationships with half-measures tantamount to palliative care. Enough with hospicing our misguided actions. Whether it’s the eroded personal trust you’ve lost with a loved one or an overly Byzantine organizational culture that’s decided it’s too hard to fix what ails it, there is (often) still time to do something about it. Systemic change is the only way out of the death spiral. And recovery starts with correcting for the over-emphasis on self-orientation.
The “trust paradox” we find ourselves in as a society is real. If we can give ourselves the grace to accept when we’ve fallen off the path and take the initiative to steer ourselves back toward selflessness and empathy, we can make it back to that place we all want to be. A place built on trust.
Take good care,
MV
Events, news, workshops, retreats…
Things I’m doing and things others are doing that you might find interesting.
PRIORITIZING PURPOSE
January 12th – New York
Join me at Neuehouse to kick off the new year with an interactive discussion and workshop designed to help you focus your priorities and make the most of the year ahead. Email me to get in front of the RSVP announcement.
EMPATHY TOOLS!
Now Available
Many of you already know about Questions & Empathy but for those of you who don’t, they are a thoughtful set of questions designed to move conversation from small talk to big talk. At long last, they are restocked and ready for purchase. Head on over to the website to get your hands on a deck or buy one for someone in your life who could use a little more practice (wink).
Who doesn't love a self assessment? Whether you're into your natal astrology or the enneagram or a good ol' fashioned internet quiz that tells you what breakfast cereal you are, you've probably found that there's always more to learn about yourself. For those of you interested in how you show up empathically, to others and for yourself, the Applied Empathy Frequency is gonna be your jam. This assessment is designed to give you unique insight into your own personal empathy skills, and now it’s also available for combined reporting. Wanna see how you and your significant other match up? Want to assess your entire marketing team or the organization overall? We can do it. Check out the site and get in touch to learn more.
RETREATS & COHORTS
Ongoing throughout 2023
I’m excited to announce that starting this year, I’ll be hosting several retreats as well as two 3-month online cohorts of people interested in exploring purpose and empathic leadership more deeply. Look out for an email before the end of the year with more details or visit MichaelVentura.co for more info in January.
Talent, jobs, investments, collabs, and more…
If you or someone you know is interested in making a move or if you’d like to share a need in this section on a future letter, drop me a line. It takes a village.
THIS YEAR & THE YEAR AHEAD
Ongoing throughout 2023
As we wrap up this year I’m happy to report that this section of Understanding Understanding has helped more than a dozen people and teams find each other. I wasn’t really sure how effective this sort of thing would be but I’m thrilled to know that it’s working. If you have a role you’re looking to fill or if you’re looking to make a change in your current role, drop me a line and I’ll happily include the info here. No quid pro quo. This is just me tryin’ to help good people find other good people.
God jokes, hexa-canes, cave kids, and psychedelic Santas…
Things I’ve picked up while meandering around the internet.
My dear friend Karen doesn’t consider herself a stand-up comic, but recently she told a funny and heartfelt story about her personal journey. Please enjoy it, and her.
There has been a hexagon-shaped hurricane swirling atop Saturn since we have first observed the ringed planet. It defies what we know about weather system formation and further confirms that Saturn is the coolest looking planet.
A recent archeological research finding has shown that ancient cave drawings were likely made or contributed to by children, debunking the theory that this was a solitary, adult pursuit.
Last but not least, since it is the holiday season, I’d like to remind everyone of the psychedelic roots tied to the lore surrounding Christmas and Santa Claus. This Salon article is a good primer. Ho ho ho, y’all.
